Tag Archives: Valentine’s Day

A Love Letter


Dear Loud One,

It’s Valentine’s Day Night and millions of people are putting roses in vases right now and cramming into crowded restaurants to whisper things like “I’m so happy you’re my Valentine this year!” and “This has been the best year month week of my life! I will love you forever!” and exchanging heart-shaped boxes of calories that the girl will probably end up devouring the following weekend when the guy tells her that he just needs some space and that “it’s not HER, it’s him” which we all know is a BIG LIE but when you’re hearing it, you manage to convince yourself that this may actually be the ONE TIME that line has been said in total and complete honesty and…


Loud One, here’s the thing. Valentine’s Day is a hyped-up, sort-of-fake holiday that has gained momentum over the years thanks to Hallmark, Russell Stover and Tiffany. (And Kay’s but only because we simply cannot avoid those commercials with the stupid jingle Every kiss begins with Kay’s, even thought we have a DVR. How do they do that?)

BUT. You will not be immune to Cupid’s charms. There will come a time when you yearn for the mushy cards, the heart-shaped boxes and the little blue magic box. These desires may pass; they may not. Regardless, there are a few things I want you to remember about this “holiday” and the person you choose to spend it with.

1. Your Valentine of the future MUST treat you well on this day (and all days, but that’s obvious) unless it’s been mutually agreed upon ahead of time that you will just ignore the hype and not buy any presents (in which case, he should still get you a tiny, little something anyway because you’re the best and he couldn’t resist.)

Side note: Most boys DO NOT understand that last part. Take my advice and tell them up front that what you meant by “Let’s not exchange gifts,” was really, “Why don’t you just buy me a little something?” They’re boys, honey; they can’t help it.)

2. Don’t ever settle to be anyone’s second choice Valentine. If you’re not somebody’s OBVIOUS first choice, than grab a few of your kick-ass girlfriends and open a bottle of wine/soda/chocolate milk/juice box (depending on how old you are) and celebrate your independence. This won’t always feel easy. Sometimes it will feel sad, but you’ll obviously have Ben & Jerry’s there to cheer you up because let me tell you LO, those boys will ALWAYS be there for you during the rough times. And just know… this too shall pass.

3. Don’t give your heart out to just anyone who will take it. You know how you brought 21 Valentine’s hearts to school today? And you gave one to everyone including the boy who’s not always that nice? And then everyone just stuffed them in their homemade heart boxes and some of those kids didn’t even say thank you? Well, that’s PERFECT for 1st grade; that’s exactly what is supposed to happen when you’re six years old.

But when you get older, you should save your Valentine’s heart for that one special person who’s going to open it, love it, appreciate it and not squish it into any box. They may even want to keep it pressed between two pages of a heavy dictionary or encyclopedia to protect it and take it out years later and remember how special it made them feel. (“What’s an encyclopedia?” you ask? Hmmm… it’s like a written version of the Internet.)

4. On the other hand, don’t hold back either. Always be confident that your Valentine’s heart is special and worthy. Sometimes you’ll have to take a risk and a deep breath and hold it out unsure of how it will be received. If it’s taken and appreciated, exhale and smile.

And if not? Call me immediately. You can cry and I’ll remind you that sometimes love sucks and also, because I’m your mother, I’ll probably say that he’s an asshole and doesn’t deserve someone like you. And then I MIGHT, without you knowing, find him and just hurt him a little bit.

5. Lastly, keep the faith. You’ll spend many Valentine’s wishing you were with someone… or someone else. But on some February 14th far in the future, you’ll end up on the couch, eating take-out and watching Mad Men (or some show set in the 90s) next to the Valentine with whom you were always meant to be.

Just like me and Dad.

You’ll always be MY special Valentine, LO.


This will probably be appropriate at some point in your life. Hang in there.

This will probably be appropriate at some point in your life. Hang in there.

PS. To the Nibbit and Happy Dude, I have some Valentine’s advice for you guys, too. Don’t eff it up. Treat girls well. Buy teddy bears if their age ends in “-teen” and jewelry if not. And if they tell you that you’re “not exchanging gifts this year,” get them a little something anyway. It doesn’t take much boys; man up.

Valentine’s Day Vows


In the past few weeks, you’ve heard a lot of complaining from me. To read this blog, you’d think I had monster kids and a very stressful life. But that’s totally NOT true… my life isn’t that stressful and my kids are only three-quarter-parts-monster.

But today, in honor of Valentine’s Day, I’ve decided to post with a different spin. This one is all about love. And rainbows. And unicorns. And only a little about pigs. So, let’s get our mush on. (omg, that was SO BAD. I’m sorry.)

So here’s the deal… Valentine’s Day has never been a big deal between my husband and myself. We usually trade cards – he writes something nice, I usually include some reference to beer. We order sushi for dinner instead of pizza. Maybe we see a movie together instead of our typical date night, which as I’ve mentioned before, is driving to the theater together and then seeing separate movies because we can’t agree on what to see.*

*Last time we went to the movies – I saw “The Descendents,” he saw, “Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” – I sat next to a couple and proceeded to talk to the woman for 20 minutes (yup, I crashed somebody else’s date) about how awful teenagers and how parenting only gets harder and harder. Good times.

But this year, in addition to the beer card, I’m going to make a public effort to let him know how much I appreciate him. Because he’s awesome and – this may come as a total shock to all of you – I’m not ALWAYS super-easy to live with. I know, I know… you can’t believe it, there’s no way that’s true, it couldn’t possibly be, go on… But honestly, on occasion, I can be a bit… difficult.

So as my Valentine’s Day present to my not-quite-better-but-definitely-equal-half, I’m going to publicly confess to my biggest relationship flaws and offer him some Valentine’s Vows on how I resolve to be better. Here goes:

Flaw: Uber-promptness. In my world, if we’re not ten minutes early, we’re late. This translates to leaving super-early for everything and then usually having way too much time to kill on the other end. But what if we get a flat tire? Or get lost? Or have to deal with a poop explosion where we have to hose down a kid, burn all the clothes and disinfect the entire car?

Valentine’s Vow: I will always want to leave earlier than you, BUT I vow not to stand at the door, tapping my toes, sighing heavily, staring at my watch, while you lackadaisically walk around the house making sure every window is locked and every appliance is unplugged. I also vow to secretly set all of your watches and clocks ahead by ten minutes.

Flaw: Snippiness. Whatever.

Valentine’s Vow: Ask a stupid question, get a snippy answ… I’m sorry. That was snippy and so NOT in the spirit of love. Let me rephrase: I promise to try to tolerate your unnecessary questions better.

Flaw: I’m not always so affectionate. I grew up surrounded by a warm, loving Italian family – we hugged and kissed upon arrival, before departure and when the baked ziti was put on the table. But then I had three kids. And they are physically ON me ALL. THE. TIME. So I’m not always as open to displays of affection as I should be.

Valentine’s Vow: I will not squirm when you hug me anymore.

Flaw: I have a hard time letting things go after we argue. Like that time, five years ago, when you told me that … nevermind.

Valentine’s Vow: I’ll try to keep a 24-hour limit on my brooding. That’s going to be hard for me. I’m not making any promises.

Side note: People who say “never go to bed angry” are bullshit. For me, it’s more like “never go into the next month angry.”

So there you have it, in a very public forum (granted, not read by that many people) I have confessed to my biggest relationship sins. I apologize for them and I vow to try to be better at this whole “wife thing.”

KJ – for the 17 years I have known you, you have been the sun to my days and the moon to my … BWAH HA HA HA! Kidding. But I am glad that you are the guy I get to give beer cards to on Valentine’s Day. Hugs and kisses. (See, I’m better already! Virtual hugs and kisses are better than none, am I right?)

Happy Valentine’s Day, people. Bye.

A long PS. A few days ago, I asked C. to tell me about something she loves. She said, “Oh that’s easy… I love puppies and dogs. Especially Huskies. And presents. And Disney World and that Disney on Ice show we saw. And butterflies. And bugs. And Mommy. And Daddy.”

Seriously? Puppies and dogs, especially Huskies, presents, Disney World and that Disney on Ice show we saw, butterflies and bugs are all higher on the list than ME?? The woman who birthed you and caters to your every whim?? Huh. Well, at least I can say, suck it Daddy. She may like bugs better than me, but at least she likes me more than you.

(Wow, again, NOT very Valentinesy… I’m sorry KJ. I didn’t mean to tell you to suck it. I’m sure she loves us equally.)

(Wow, that wasn’t very honest… I’m sorry KJ. I didn’t mean to blatantly lie to you.)

So, THEN I said, “Tell me about something you do NOT love.” She thought and thought and thought and in my head, I’m thinking (Wow, I can think of a million things I do not like – traffic, hangovers, black coffee, temper tantrums, moving wet clothes from the washer to the dryer, social events where I don’t know anyone, cilantro, checking the mail only to find it hasn’t arrived yet, gyno visits, stubbing my toe, exercise, snowstorms, tablespoons, weeding, filling ice trays, pumping gas, blow-drying my hair, putting sunblock on the kids… I could go on and on) and she finally says, “Oh I know. PIGS.”


“Not the cute piglet kind but like the grown-up pigs. Those are not cute.”

Well, at least she’s clear on that.

KJ would never give me this card.