Tag Archives: Olympics

Friday Funnies!

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(Ugh, seriously… someone help me with a better title for this weekly post.)

So, I have one quick question before I get to the laughs of the week… is everyone CRYING over the Olympics as much as I am?? Call me Weepy McWeeperson, but every time the US wins, I just lose it. ESPECIALLY with the team sports. I just feel like I’m right there in the middle of that team huddle, with all the players jumping up and down and on top of each other, hugging and crying… and then I get totally winded from all that jumping for joy and I remember that I am most definitely not an Olympic athlete. And then they get up on that podium and play the National Anthem and… fuggedaboutit. I’m a mess. I may not be an Olympic athlete but man, can I shed a happy tear with the best of them.

OK, onto the laughs…

I must say, your comments last week were WAAAAY funnier than my stories, so please keep them coming. Laughing at your parental foibles was the highlight of my week (wait, is that sad?) so please, keep sharing.

Here are a few things that made me chuckle this week:

1. I know this will sound very familiar to last week’s conversation with the Loud One about the Olympics but I think this one is even better.

Watching Synchronized Swimming on TV:

Me: Seriously, these women are amazing. LO, check this out… their feet never touch the ground! It’s unbelievable!
LO: That’s so cool! I want to do that!
Me: Well, it’s just like I told you about gymnastics… you have to practice really hard. These women have been working at this for years.
LO: Wait, they’ve been practicing for a YEAR?
Me: Olympic athletes practice their sports basically everyday, for their WHOLE lives.
LO: Oh, I changed my mind… I never want to be in the Olympics. I don’t want to practice anything everyday of my life.

2. These other kid quotes:

The Nibbit: <coughing> “Mom, I have a frog in my mouth and he’s trying to get out.”

The Loud One: “My bones are having a bad day today.”
Me: Hmmm. Really? Why?
LO: Because whenever someone hits me, it feels like my bones are broken.
Me: <pause> What exactly are you guys playing up there?

And this happened at the Shake Shack (where we were most definitely not eating fries and drinking chocolate shakes to celebrate the fact that it was Wednesday):

The Nibbit: My Dad and the LO’s Dad and your Dad has been here before you know…  with me.
Me: Do you mean that you came here once with Daddy?
Nibbit: Yeah. That’s what I said.
Me: You do know that your Daddy isn’t my Dad, right?
Nibbit: Yeah, I know. Pop is your dad!
Me: Right!
Nibbit: You and Daddy are brother and sister.

3. And last but not least…

 This whole website is full of funny stuff, but especially ALL OF THESE TWEETS.

While we’re on the subject, can we just talk about Twitter for a minute?

I mean, I sort of get it. I understand the concepts of Tiny Attention Spans and The Compulsion to Update The World on Everything You’re Doing At All Times.  I also know there are a lot of really funny people out there, so if you can really make people laugh in 140 characters or less, go for it.

I start to understand Twitter a little bit less when people Tweet messages to celebrities in hopes for a response. Do those people think that just because Sarah Michelle Gellar responded to their tweet “I ♥ YOU!! U R SO HOT!!” with a “Thanks! Love you, too!” that she really means it? Because she doesn’t.

She doesn’t know you, guy with the handle @Buffy4EVR. she couldn’t – and wouldn’t – pick you out of a police line-up. Nor would she show up if you used your one phone call to Tweet her and ask for help. And if you bumped into her on the street, her handlers would have your ass pushed aside faster than it would take to scream, “I HEART YOU BUFFY!!!!”

Side note: Heart is the same number of syllables as “love,” people. Can we stop saying we “heart” things? Heart –> noun. Love –> verb.

And lastly, I’m completely befuddled by Twitter when two or three friends Tweet each other just to shoot the shit. I don’t know about Droid or Blackberry but the iPhone actually encourages group texting now. Siri’s all, “Go on! Text multiple people…they will ALL receive it and they can write you back! Try it, sweetheart!” (Well, that’s what she says to me because I like Siri to call me Sweetheart.) The whole Twitter universe doesn’t actually have to hear your conversation.

For example, I read that one of the Olympic swimmers Tweeted her Olympic roommate, “Hey, I forgot my jacket in the room… can you grab it for me?” And then of course the roommate responded something to the effect of, “No worries… it’s in my bag!” Did thousands of people really need to read that exchange? NO.

TEXT is BEST young people.

Right after I this picture was taken, he Tweeted: “@HappyDude: Hangin @ Starbucks. Best chocolate milk ever.”

Friday Funnies

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That’s a terrible name, I know. I tried to do “Freaky Funny Friday,” but I can’t do a strike through in the title. WTF?? Anyway…

Remember that show “Kids say the Darndest Things?” Well, it’s TOTALLY true. They really do. And you know who else says funny things? Teenage girls on trains.

Here are a few things that made me laugh out loud this week. I’m not saying they’ll make YOU laugh, but that would just mean you have a terrible sense of humor.

Read on…

1. This one actually happened a couple of weeks ago, but I’m including it because it was funny and because it’s my blog and I’ll cheat if I want to.

I was on the train, heading into Grand Central, minding my own business (well, actually, that’s a lie… I was totally eavesdropping) when I overheard three teenage girls chatting about their babysitting jobs:

Girl 1: I, like, totally hate babysitting boys because I, like, have nothing in common with them, you know? At least with, like, the girls I can do arts and crafts and stuff.

Girl 2: I just, like, watch a lot of movies with them.

Girl 3: Oh my God, I babysit for this one girl, who is, like, SO WEIRD. She won’t even TALK to me. She only whispers in her Mom’s ear and then the Mom has to tell me what she said.

Girl 1: Oh my God, that’s so weird! How old is she??

Girl 3: I don’t know… I think, like, two?

Girl 2: Oh my God, what’s she going to do when she has to, like, go to college without her Mom???

Of course, I FRANTICALLY started typing this whole exchange into my phone so that I could relay it to KJ… and everybody else I know. Please note, there is ZERO exaggeration in the amount of “likes” or the number of “Oh my Gods.”

I really wanted to ask them for their names so that I could do the opposite of recommend them to everyone I know. But I didn’t.

OK, moving on.

2. The Loud One, the Nibbit and I went out to lunch this week to a local family BBQ place. With plates of beige in front of them, this conversation happened:

The Loud One: Mama, you should definitely work here because you’re a really good cooker.

Me [sputtering]: Ha! I’m not really, but thank you. What made you say that?

LO: Well, you make grilled cheese and French fries that are almost as good as these.

Me [thinking, Hmmm. OK, I’ll take that.]: Thanks!

The Nibbit: Actually Mommy, you should WIV (live) here. I wish I could wiv here.

Me: In this restaurant? Why would you want to live here?

The Nibbit: Because it has cool stuff wike (like) tables…. and food… and wadders (ladders)…

Me [thinking, Ladders? Where are there ladders?]

And I looked over to see something like this:

I could see how maybe a 3½ year old might think that a bunch of restaurant high chairs looked like a ladder.

I can also completely understand how it would be awesome to live in a place “…with tables… and food… and wadders.

 

3. I’m sure this same conversation happened in millions of households worldwide this week. While watching the girls gymnastics Olympics events, the Loud One felt inspired to “practice her backflips” on the couch.

LO: Watch me do my backflip!

Me: You don’t know how to do a backflip.

LO: That’s why I’m practicing.

Me: Well, if you really want to learn, I can sign you up for gymnastics. And then if you’re really good at it and you practice hard for a lot of years, maybe you can go to the Olympics.

LO: Do I have to wear that tight thing with the sleeves?

Me: You mean a leotard? Yes.

LO: Just to the classes or to the Olympics, too?

Me: Both. I’d have to check the rulebook, but I’m pretty sure it’s required at the Olympics.

LO: [pause] Nevermind.

Call me crazy, but I’m not sure she really has the dedication required to be an Olympic athlete. 

 

And last but not least…

4. This Goop newsletter from Gwyneth made me laugh out loud from Start. To. Finish. And not because she’s funny. Let’s just say Gwyneth and I have a different budget perspective when it comes to packing for a vacation.

 

OK, so now it’s time for you to share. This whole relationship (you know, between you and me) has been very one-sided up until now. It’s time to click on the comment section and add your two cents. Tell me something funny that made you laugh this week – maybe it was your kid, maybe it was your pet, maybe it was your Grandma, maybe it was that banker you saw bite it in midtown… all of these things –> very funny!

So spill it. Make me laugh. I dare you.