(Ugh, seriously… someone help me with a better title for this weekly post.)
So, I have one quick question before I get to the laughs of the week… is everyone CRYING over the Olympics as much as I am?? Call me Weepy McWeeperson, but every time the US wins, I just lose it. ESPECIALLY with the team sports. I just feel like I’m right there in the middle of that team huddle, with all the players jumping up and down and on top of each other, hugging and crying… and then I get totally winded from all that jumping for joy and I remember that I am most definitely not an Olympic athlete. And then they get up on that podium and play the National Anthem and… fuggedaboutit. I’m a mess. I may not be an Olympic athlete but man, can I shed a happy tear with the best of them.
OK, onto the laughs…
I must say, your comments last week were WAAAAY funnier than my stories, so please keep them coming. Laughing at your parental foibles was the highlight of my week (wait, is that sad?) so please, keep sharing.
Here are a few things that made me chuckle this week:
1. I know this will sound very familiar to last week’s conversation with the Loud One about the Olympics but I think this one is even better.
Watching Synchronized Swimming on TV:
Me: Seriously, these women are amazing. LO, check this out… their feet never touch the ground! It’s unbelievable!
LO: That’s so cool! I want to do that!
Me: Well, it’s just like I told you about gymnastics… you have to practice really hard. These women have been working at this for years.
LO: Wait, they’ve been practicing for a YEAR?
Me: Olympic athletes practice their sports basically everyday, for their WHOLE lives.
LO: Oh, I changed my mind… I never want to be in the Olympics. I don’t want to practice anything everyday of my life.
2. These other kid quotes:
The Nibbit: <coughing> “Mom, I have a frog in my mouth and he’s trying to get out.”
The Loud One: “My bones are having a bad day today.”
Me: Hmmm. Really? Why?
LO: Because whenever someone hits me, it feels like my bones are broken.
Me: <pause> What exactly are you guys playing up there?
And this happened at the Shake Shack (where we were most definitely not eating fries and drinking chocolate shakes to celebrate the fact that it was Wednesday):
The Nibbit: My Dad and the LO’s Dad and your Dad has been here before you know… with me.
Me: Do you mean that you came here once with Daddy?
Nibbit: Yeah. That’s what I said.
Me: You do know that your Daddy isn’t my Dad, right?
Nibbit: Yeah, I know. Pop is your dad!
Nibbit: You and Daddy are brother and sister.
3. And last but not least…
While we’re on the subject, can we just talk about Twitter for a minute?
I mean, I sort of get it. I understand the concepts of Tiny Attention Spans and The Compulsion to Update The World on Everything You’re Doing At All Times. I also know there are a lot of really funny people out there, so if you can really make people laugh in 140 characters or less, go for it.
I start to understand Twitter a little bit less when people Tweet messages to celebrities in hopes for a response. Do those people think that just because Sarah Michelle Gellar responded to their tweet “I ♥ YOU!! U R SO HOT!!” with a “Thanks! Love you, too!” that she really means it? Because she doesn’t.
She doesn’t know you, guy with the handle @Buffy4EVR. she couldn’t – and wouldn’t – pick you out of a police line-up. Nor would she show up if you used your one phone call to Tweet her and ask for help. And if you bumped into her on the street, her handlers would have your ass pushed aside faster than it would take to scream, “I HEART YOU BUFFY!!!!”
Side note: Heart is the same number of syllables as “love,” people. Can we stop saying we “heart” things? Heart –> noun. Love –> verb.
And lastly, I’m completely befuddled by Twitter when two or three friends Tweet each other just to shoot the shit. I don’t know about Droid or Blackberry but the iPhone actually encourages group texting now. Siri’s all, “Go on! Text multiple people…they will ALL receive it and they can write you back! Try it, sweetheart!” (Well, that’s what she says to me because I like Siri to call me Sweetheart.) The whole Twitter universe doesn’t actually have to hear your conversation.
For example, I read that one of the Olympic swimmers Tweeted her Olympic roommate, “Hey, I forgot my jacket in the room… can you grab it for me?” And then of course the roommate responded something to the effect of, “No worries… it’s in my bag!” Did thousands of people really need to read that exchange? NO.
TEXT is BEST young people.