Let me tell you about my week. I think you’ll really, really like it. In a mean-spirited, evil kind of way.
So the Loud One stepped on a fire ant mound (hive? nest?) last week in Florida and was bitten all over her feet. On Monday, her feet swelled up and became very red, hot and painful.
A visit to the doctor confirmed that she was having an Acute Delayed Allergic Reaction to the bites and was to be treated with massive amounts of antihistamines.
We got it under control on Wednesday, just in time to find out that we had lice.
Yup, lice. All those jokes I’ve made coming back to bite me in the … well, scalp.
We were literally dealing with bugs from head to toe.
(I have been waiting all week to make that joke in a semi-public forum.)
Treatment, laundry, combing, laundry, yada yada yada. Now granted, lice is not as big a deal the SECOND time around, but it still sucks.
So we’ve alternated between chugging Zyrtec or Benadryl while applying mass amounts of Cortisone to open wounds and shampooing/combing/oiling for the past few days. It’s been super fun.
This afternoon, the Nibbit poked himself in the eye with a pencil (eraser-side, thank GOD) and cried. A lot.
I thought we could cheer everyone up by going to Aunt Lori’s for dinner but HD ended up having a massive meltdown over broccoli.
So while LO and I enjoyed a delicious homemade dinner, the Nibbit nursed his eyeball wound on the couch and HD continued to writhe on the floor. BEST DINNER GUESTS EVER!
I had to carry HD to the car kicking and screaming – literally – and then had to ask LO to physically hold him back while I locked him inside the minivan. (Not my proudest parenting moment, but I truly believe there were no other options. I had to get those kids home and to bed asap so that this week CAN DIE.)
HD refused to sit in his seat so I drove the 1/4 mile home with him standing in the back. Do. Not. Judge. Me. (Or do… whatever… I’ll never know.)
The entire time we were driving (2-3 minutes), all three of them were SCREAMING on the top of their lungs:
LO: NOOOOO! HE’S IN DANGER!!! DON’T DRIVE!!!
Nib: OOOOH NOOOOO! I DON’T WANT YOU TO GO TO JAIL!!!!!”
HD: I’M SO HUNGRY!! BUT I HATE BROCCOLI! BUT I’M SO HUNGRY!! I WANT DINNER! BUT NOT BROCCOLI!
We made it home safely, I gave HD a yogurt AFTER he apologized to all of us and they all went to bed at 7:15. I’m drinking now.
Did I mention KJ has been in Miami all week?
(He’s working, thank GOD because if he was on vacation, I’d have to actually kill him when he got home tonight. This way, his life is spared so he can wake up with the kids tomorrow and I can spend the whole day somewhere where my kids are not.)
So that’s been the week.
Why do I tell you these things?
Because I’m a giver.
And a drinker. Tonight, I’m also a drinker.