Nothing is Awesome.

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Ever have a day where you were just nailing it? Everything you said was making people laugh and everything you wrote just worked. You were FUNNY. Man, were you funny. People were calling their friends to say, “Oh man, that girl is FUNNY!”

You made people laugh all day long – in person, texts, emails, status updates, hashtags… you were just on?

So OF COURSE when you got home you wrote a blog post and OF COURSE it just POURED out of you and you just chuckled to yourself the entire time, shaking your head, saying, “I am ON FIRE today… WHAT. IS. UP. WITH. ME??”

Maybe you wrote funny stories in detail about how your daughter got a palate expander torture device put in her mouth and how that’s been nothing but GOOD TIMES all around? About how charming the sound of one trying to clear food out of a metal trap on the roof on one’s mouth can be?

Oh and did you also describe how just when you were feeling really confident in your kids degree of potty trainedness, he decided that the potty is often just too damn far away and you know what’s closer? HIS UNDERWEAR. Oh and that sometimes when you peel away the wet underwear, he says, “Oh, THAT’S awkward” like a 13-year old girl?

Or perhaps you described your embarrassment over something like the fact that your middle child ate pizza SIX TIMES this week, but you described it in SUCH a funny way that no one was judging you for what clearly borders on nutritional abuse?

Did you answer YES? As in, YES, you HAVE had a day like that where funny shit just poured out of you all day long?

Well, how effing nice for you. And also, I hate you.

Because I am NOT having that day. And I have not had that day for … well…  shut up. 

Nothing is funny. Nothing is rolling. Nothing is awesome. (Get it? It’s the LEGO humor from the title? <sigh>)

So instead of all that detailed hilarity, I’m going to share with you The Nibbit’s poem. I think it’s really good.

MONSTER FIGHT
by The Nibbit

The two hippos wanted to fight.

The hippos were

DIZZY

BOAT

HIBO

RASPBERRY

DRAGON

Came to fly

Monster fight.

*CLEARLY, the Nibbit was having one of those magical days. 

 

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe PALETTE EXPANDERS are AWESOME.

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe PALATE EXPANDERS are AWESOME.

3 responses »

  1. Palate expanders are definitely NOT awesome. My daughter just got them on the top AND bottom! I can’t understand a damn thing she says! Nighttime peeing continues to be a joy. Just went for my son’s annual and the doctor said don’t talk to me until age 7. Seriously??!!? And…. My kids have had pasta everyday this week and not the high fiber kind either. So, yes, I am having your kind of day!!! Feel better??

  2. well during softball season….april- mid june, we eat pizza 5-6 times a week. maybe throw a sandwich here and there, but pizza is eaten. I babysit 3 children under the age of 3 and yes potty training is completely out the window and at the great age of 6, vanessa has more metal in her mouth than she has teeth! at some point throughout the day, i have 5 kids in my house..10, 6, 3, 2, and 1 years old…then I wonder why I’m NOT drinking on a daily basis, but then I remember that once 4pm comes, I dont see my house until 9 then kids go to bed and I just collapse and there might be 5 minutes for me to pee. yup, I totally get your day! and there is nothing funny about it…lol!!!

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