Happy [mumble number]th Birthday!
I’m sure you wouldn’t want me to publish your age in this public forum – where at least 18 people will read this – and I can respect that.
I’ve been writing a post about you that I think you’re going to love. But it’s not ready yet, so I’ll save that for later this week.
In the meantime, in honor of your birthday, I’ve made a list of all the things I’m going to do today. Well, all the things I’m going to THINK about doing today. I’ve put in it list form because, well, they didn’t call you “Steps” for nothing. (To be honest, I would have done the list anyway… the organized apple didn’t fall far from the organized tree and all that.)
Here we go:
- I’m going to make sauce, with the sausage “just for flavor” … even though I hate the flavor.
- I’m going to eat it with a steak because I just feel like I need some red blood cells.
- I’m going to make sure all of the food is HOT.
- I’m going to remind my kids to always “be aware.” Of everything. All the time.
- I’m going to use the diffuser on my hair because it gives it a “nicer curl.” Then, I’m going to pull it half back because it just “frames my face nicely.”
- I’m going to tell my kids “I just need a hug today” and squeeze them a little bit tighter and longer than necessary.
- I’m going to watch out for wet leaves on the road. (Those things are sneaky killers.)
- I’m going to try to get a stranger to tell me his/her life story and then say, “I don’t know why… people just like to tell me things.”
- I’m going to call Aunt San four times and then sigh heavily and say, “Oh San…”
- I’m going to invite everyone I know over to my house and of course, I’ll have chips and dip and ten other snacks out. When they try to leave, I’m going to tell them to stay just a little bit longer. Then I’m going to invite them to move in.
- While they’re here, I’m going to feed them a big meal. We’ll have pasta to start and maybe a filet. Oh and a turkey… as a side dish. And I’ll make sure I have everyone’s favorites. (I’m not going to make brisket because even though it’s Lori’s favorite, according to her, no one can make it as good as yours.)
- I’m going to spend the whole time everyone is here bragging about my kids.
- I may read someone a press release about Tom.
- I’m going to drink a giant glass of Chardonnay.
- I’m going to have my picture taken and do the [look down for 1…2…3… ] head flip! maneuver.
- I’m going to call Hong Kong Kitchen and place an order in your honor.
- I’m going to remind my kids AGAIN that they have a grandmother named Didi in heaven that would have loved them more than anyone else in the entire world.
- I’m going to think about a lifetime of happy memories that you created on Valley View Drive, both before and after you knocked down the kitchen wall so that you wouldn’t miss out on any conversations.
- I’m going to curse fucking cancer to hell and back.
- I’m going to curl up under the Monster blanket and miss you big.
- And I’m going to do – or think about doing – ALL of this while wearing an OUTFIT.
Because I spend a lot of money on clothes and why do I always have to look like a ragamuffin?
Happy Birthday, Mom.