2013 Resolutions: You Can Be Better, Kids


Tomorrow marks the First Anniversary of the official launch of WhoNeedsANap.me! Woohoo! What’s that you say? You are SO RIGHT… we really SHOULD celebrate with Margaritas! I like the way you think. I’ll meet you at that Mexican place and we’ll toast with rocks and salt to a fantastic year.

Seriously. I’d like to just say a big THANKS for all the time you guys spent reading and commenting this year. Whether you commented here, via email, on Facebook or to my real live face, I very much appreciate ALL of your feedback. I’m having a great time sharing my deepest and most sarcastic thoughts and I love to hear that I’ve made you chuckle or better yet, snarf coffee all over your keyboard.

That said, I think the timing is PERFECT for me to discuss my 2013 New Year’s Resolutions. I would have written this sooner, but KJ and I were already putting my first resolution into practice:

Resolution #1: Leave the kids with Aunt Lori and Amanda more often and enjoy life without the f***ers. Seriously, my sister is one of those people who truly enjoy the chaos that five kids (ages 2-9) under one roof provide. She thinks “ENERGY!” I think “SHUT UP!” But she claims to really love it and since she is the BEST SISTER EVER, who am I to deprive her of something she really loves?

So, we dropped the three of them off and left for Miami this past Saturday.

January 5th and I was already kicking ass on my resolutions. Nice.

Miami was fantastic. I kept expecting to see jLo or Don Johnson but sadly, that did not happen. We did enjoy poolside cocktails for most of the day on Saturday and then had a fun night out, which oddly enough, remains a bit fuzzy in my mind.

Side note: Since Santa did NOT deliver my hangover-free Margarita (what’s up with that, big guy?), I was a bit intrigued when friends whom we don’t see often enough leaned over to me at some point that night and said, “Pssst kmac, want to know how to avoid a hangover? We’ve got the answer… it’s this secret capsule of herbs…” I was all, “What the wha? This sounds AWESOME!” They continued, “… it’s this all-natural herb called MILK THISTLE. Have you heard of it? Take it with 32 oz of water and you will NOT get a hangover.” [I think there was another secret ingredient but like I said… it’s a bit fuzzy.]

Of course, I was too drunk by then to remember the words MILK THISTLE, but I’m totally going to try it next time. (And by next time, I mean TOMORROW NIGHT. Remember? Our MARGS??)

Considering the main point of the weekend was to attend the BCS National Championship (KJ is a Notre Dame alum), the trip went all sorts of downhill once that damn game started. But despite the atrocious loss and the fact that our rental transportation was a suspicious looking white van which resembled a vehicle one might use to lure in young children with candy, the weekend was a huge success.

Resolution #1. Check check.

Moving on.

Resolution #2: To write my kids more letters. If I die soon, as I’m pretty sure I will every single time I step on an airplane, I want my kids to have a box full of letters to read from me for all of life’s big events. You know, “To the Loud One On Her Wedding Day” and shit like that. I figure if I get diagnosed with a fatal disease, I’m going to be too busy eating Cadbury Mini Eggs by the pound and watching crap TV to write letters. And then there’s the whole I-could-get-hit-by-a-bus-tomorrow deal. So I’m going to start writing them letters. And I’m going to start RIGHT NOW.

This one is actually to-be-read while I’m still alive – like tomorrow, at breakfast – so consider this practice.

Dear (and sometimes not-so-much) Kids,

It’s January 9, 2013 now. This means nothing to you, other than Christmas is over and you have to wait another 350-ish days to get another boatload of presents.

Have you heard about New Year’s Resolutions? They’re like little goals that some adults set to try to improve themselves during the upcoming year. They usually say things like “exercise more” or “eat healthier foods” or “be nicer to my spouse even when he is being a jackhole” or “stop flipping the bird to all those g-damn awful drivers” or “quit hoarding stuff and find the cat” or “enjoy tequila on a more regular basis.” You get the point.

Well, as your Mother, I’ve decided to make some resolutions on your behalf. Because as much as people will tell you that you’re perfect just as you are, those are the same people who write and read blogs about rainbows and unicorns and sipping a cup of tea in the midday sun and, I’m sorry, but THEY ARE WRONG.

Nobody is 100% perfect. I mean you guys are close – the Loud One’s poetry is perfect and the way the Nibbit proudly sang “Six Geese of Weighing” every time it was his turn to sing during The Twelve Days on Christmas Eve was perfect and yes, Happy Dude’s way of saying “Hi Mommy! You want to pway cahs and twucks wit me?” whenever he sees me after not seeing me for 42 seconds is perfect BUT GUYS, (spoiler alert: big life lesson coming up) THERE IS ALWAYS ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT.

We have a lot of work to do this year, you and me. (Notice how I’m including myself in this? I’m a team player, kids… we are in this together.)

Let’s begin.

Family Resolution #1: Improve our tones of voice. It’s simple: YOU stop whining and I’LL stop yelling.

Look, I strongly dislike the way you say, “Maaaamaaa? Whyyyyyyyyy caaaaannnn’t I have juuuuiiiiccce?” and you don’t like the way I yell, “KNOCK IT OFF OR I’M GOING TO LOSE IT!” (Which of course prompts you to think, “Um, isn’t that what’s happening right now? Because if not, what exactly does ‘losing it’ look like?”) So let’s both just agree that from now on, we will speak to each other using an appropriate volume and without adding syllables to words where they don’t belong.

Family Resolution #2: I’ll start cooking if you start eating. If I make something other than chicken nuggets or mac-and-cheese, you’ll say something other than, “EWWW! Do we HAVE to eat THAT? THAT does NOT look good AT ALL!” Deal?

Family Resolution #3: Let’s all stop saying “No” so often. (Happy Dude: I’m talking to YOU, buddy.) I’ll say, “Let’s put your pajamas on,” you’ll say, “Sure!” You’ll say, “Can we pway cahs and twucks for a third hour?” and I’ll say, “Yes, the Nibbit would love to!” Done and done.

See how easy this can be?

Side note: Here are some things that I am honestly going to try to say yes to more often, for real life:

Will you read this to me?
Can we go outside?
Will you ride bikes with us?
Can I have a hug?*

*Lest you think I’m a terrible person for EVER saying no to this one, you should know that the Nibbit uses hugs as emotional blackmail when he’s in trouble. He makes his big, blue eyes as huge and round as possible and trembles out a “Can I have a hug first? You know, before I go to time out for burning down the garage?” The Nibbit is THAT good. So yeah, sometimes the hug is rejected. Sue me.

Family Resolution #4: Eating less sugar (me) and eating more fruits and vegetables (you). The Nibbit is pretty good about eating healthy foods and Happy Dude will eat any fruit or vegetable as long as its puréed and comes in one of those pouches. The Loud One? Not so much. Apple slices and string beans (and sometimes strawberries, but only if they are perfectly sweet and ripe which lasts about one hour of one day) and that’s it. Which makes lunchbox-packing a bit of a challenge. So, how about if I eat less M&Ms and you give citrus fruits a try? Cool?

Can we agree to try ONE of these foods this year?

Family Resolution #5: Let’s all sleep more! Here’s the deal: you promise to not wake me up at 5:30am and I promise to not yell at you at 5:30am. This seems very fair to me. I swear that I will never wake YOU up and scream things like, “GO BACK TO BED OR YOU WILL BE IN BIG TROUBLE.” But when you wake ME up in those wee hours? All bets are off. I am simply not responsible for anything I say. Especially when suffering from a hangover. I am not myself. I should have taken the Milk thistle.

Family Resolution #6: Be kind. We’ve talked about this guys; it’s always a work in progress. But I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, kindness is the most important thing. How about if you invite the new kid to play Adopt-a-Puppy with you at recess or share your favorite excavator with a friend and I won’t snap at Daddy when I’m stressing out and he asks me how he can help. I know! I do that! It’s terrible!! But don’t judge; I’m working on it and that’s what these resolutions are for.

OK buds, to sum it all up, each of you is fantastic but we, as people, can always be better. I think we’re on the right track here. If we can keep our goals in mind and stay motivated, 2013 will be the BEST. YEAR. EVER. Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose.

Love you to the Moon and to Florida and to Outer Space and to the Jersey Shore and back.


10 responses »

  1. “Don’t wake me up at 5:30 am and I won’t yell at you at 5:30 am”. Hahahaha! Mac, that is so perfect. You’re a crack up!!! Keep making me laugh! Happy 2013.

  2. Happy anniversary to your blog.I cannot believe that I never saw KJ or got to meet you in Miami. What a fabulous weekend (hopefully you drank enough to pretend the game was all a nightmare). Maybe next game we will meet! Hi to KJ for me! Good luck with the resolutions. I downloaded “My Family Food” and now my daughter is FINALLY adding fruits and veggies b/c she thinks its a game. Your kids might be a little brighter 😉 Happy New Year!

  3. 3 points- 1: 32 ounces of water with anything (try it w/ Twinkies – taste better than milk thistle) will do it….2: if I drink 32 ounces of water before going to bed, and I might as well throw my sleeping bag in the bathroom. Cuz that’s where I going to be spending a large amt of the next six hours….3: your world — my world — our world can always use more kindness. (and Happy Anniversary – Bravo!)

  4. “I figure if I get diagnosed with a fatal disease, I’m going to be too busy eating Cadbury Mini Eggs by the pound and watching crap TV to write letters.” -that’s my plan too! Happy Anniversary!

  5. Happy Anniversary! Great blogs for the year 2012! Some made me laugh, some made me sad and some made me cry.The best stories ever! Good luck with your New Year’s resolutions! So funny!

  6. Wow!! Loud voices, junk food, waking in the wee hours, this sounds like our house, but I wouldn’t change a thing!!! Love it and LOVE you!!! Happy 1st…..Keep up the great work!

  7. Pingback: Resolution Review: 2013 | Who Needs a Nap?

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