I’m Thankful for YOU, Howard Schultz

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I mentioned in a previous post that there’s a trend on Facebook right now to post an update every day about one thing for which you’re thankful. (I’m not sure if that’s proper grammar, but I am thankful that since this is my blog, it doesn’t really matter. Suck it Elements of Style.)

I’ve been working on my own Gratitude List. I’m going to be honest with you – Starbucks was super high. Like higher than some humans. And then, when I kept writing Starbucks sub-posts, I realized that I love SBs so much, it really deserves its own list. So, without further ado, I present to you:

My Gratitude List: Starbucks Edition

The top ten eleven things I love and appreciate most about Starbucks. (I thought it would just be ten. But the love just kept coming.)

1. The Ubiquity – Oooooh, big word, kmac. I know. (I’m not entirely sure I used it correctly… did I?) I mean that it’s awesome that there are four SBs accessible to me. Sometimes, I’m embarrassed to go into the same one for the third time in one day, so it’s good to have a back-up. And a back-up for the back-up.

2. The DRIVE-THRU – Yup, that fourth branch has a drive-thru. BEST. INVENTION. EVER. Because who needs caffeine more than a sleep-deprived new parent? Nobody. And what does a sleep-deprived new parent always have in the backseat? Yup, a sleeping baby. Or maybe you have three kids ages 2, almost 4 and 6 and you do not want to subject the good customers of your regular SBs to their… volume. (That’s actually really kind of you… you must be a good person.)

3. Flat lids – OK, confession: this one is really just my way of saying that I HATE the bubble lids. Unless you’ve ordered a Frappuccino with whipped cream (and if you have, I must ask… why not just go for the Blizzard at Dairy Queen?), than you should not be subjected to the bubble lid. Every once in a while my SBs runs out of flat lids and the bubble lid RUINS MY DAY. #IsSheKiddingMeWithThat?NoIAmNot.

I’m all for reusable cups but a permanent bubble top? NO. (I mean no, thank you.)

4. The holiday cups – does this one even need an explanation? If you don’t feel happy when those red holiday cups appear, then I feel confident in saying that you have a heart made of stone. Or just a stone where your heart should be. Or whatever. We can’t be friends.

Those mittens? The winking snowman? COME ON.

 

5. The Starbucks inside the Barnes & Noble – Now I know this one may be a bit controversial, because it’s not a real SBs and the Grande Skinny Vanilla No Foam Latte you get there doesn’t taste exactly like the Grande Skinny Vanilla No Foam Latte you get from your three other local branches, BUT bookstores are my second favorite retail destination ever so combining the two is like heaven in a strip mall.

Side note: for years I’ve told KJ that I’m jealous that he likes to play golf and is a huge Yankees and Jets fan because playing a round or going to games are multiple-hour-outings. It’s not nearly as acceptable to say, “Hey, can you take the kids for the day on Sunday? My laptop and I want to go sit at B&N and drink pseudo-SBs for five hours.”  

6. Skinny Vanilla Lattes – It just makes me feel virtuous to order it. “That’s right, I’m drinking the SKINNY version… I’m kind of a health nut.” (For those of you asking, “What makes it ‘skinny?’” the answer is, “I’m not telling you.”)

7. The logo – Admit it. You get psyched when you see the familiar green, long-haired goddess on the sign that says, “Rest Stop: 22 miles ahead.” That’s right road trip buddies… 22 miles until euphoria!

I’m on my way!

 

8. The Horizons chocolate milk boxes – OF COURSE I’d rather go to SBs without my kids. Obvious duh. But if they HAVE to come, it’s good to know that I can keep them quiet enjoy their company because SBs has a little something for everybody.

9. The scones. At only 1,687 calories and 243 grams of fat, I try not to have one every day. Or twice a day. But the pumpkin variety is worth the splurge every so often (how are we defining “every so often” these days anyway?).

10. The variety of seating options. Look, if I need to work (omg, calling writing for EW.com or NickMom “work” will NEVER get old), I like the standard table and chairs. But if I’m meeting a friend to catch up and we can score the two plush comfy arm chairs? Oh my, that is a Good Day. We’re drinking our skinny lattes (OK fine lazypants, here you go), curled up in the comfy chairs, gossiping about everyone else we know (<— I don’t really do that), it’s like Christmas morning. Maybe even better because I wasn’t jumped on at 4:30am.

11. Saying Grande & Venti (see #4 and #5) – Yeah, yeah… I know it’s cooler to act like you think saying “grande” or “venti” is dumb and “why can’t they just use medium or large?” Whatever. You say dumb. I say BILINGUAL.

Look. If you prefer Dunkin’ Donuts, I get it. I mean I don’t GET IT, but I’ll accept it. I’ll secretly laugh at you inside my brain, but we can still hang out.

At Starbucks.

No, no, no SBs… THANK YOU!

8 responses »

  1. Love this post!!! If you don’t love the holiday cups, then we can’t be friends. HA! I had a holiday cup today, and it was like a little slice of heaven. You forgot to mention that the jumbo straws will also ruin a perfectly good drink. Only the regular-sized straws are the right proportion. Don’t give me the jumbo straw!!! Great post Krissy!

  2. omg Jan, I CANNOT believe I forgot to mention the straws!! The jumbo straws are right up there with the bubble tops. I can’t do it. If someone is kind enough to bring me an SBs with a jumbo straw, I thank them politely, then toss the jumbo and pull out a normal straw from the stash in my purse. Thank you for pointing out this omission. 🙂

  3. This is just adorable. Here’s a rebuttal, point-by-point, from someone who prefers coffee that doesn’t taste like SLUDGE.

    1. You want ubiquity? DD has at least SIX accessible locations for you.
    2. DD practically invented the drive thru, and provides them at more locations. Plus, you can often get Baskin Robbins to go with your coffee. Does Starbucks have 31 flavors? No?
    3. As long as you don’t order a small, the DD lids are just perfect. Small opening, makes it very hard to drool on your shirt. Usually.
    4. DD doesn’t force the holidays down your throat. Bah-humbug!
    5. DD is inside Stop n Shop, Wal-Mart, and most hardware stores.
    6. For a place with the word ‘Donuts’ in the name, it would probably be dishonest for the word ‘skinny’ to appear anywhere on the menu. You got me there.
    7. You get ‘psyched’ when you see that goofy new-age logo? The DD logo is scientifically proven to make people salivate when they see it on road trips. I have actually uttered sounds of glee that I did not know existed upon seeing the heavenly orange & pink writing on those blue ‘here’s what we have at this exit’ highway signs. Psyched? Please.
    8. My kids will see your kids’ horizon milk and raise them the best kid treat currently available in the universe: MUNCHKINS.
    9. Agree, the scones and other baked goods at Starbucks are damn good, and practically REQUIRED by your taste buds in order to neutralize that Starbucks coffee taste. I just prefer doughnuts.
    10. DD has horrible seating, can’t deny. That’s why I have, on more than one occasion, gone to the DD drive-thru and taken my coffee straight to the Starbucks at Barnes and Noble. Sometimes I’ll order a scone there, if I get enough dirty looks from behind the counter.
    11. Ya know why people act like saying venti is dumb? Because it’s dumb. Or maybe I am dumb, because I never could get my head around tall and small being the same thing.

    Do you summer in Seattle? 🙂

    • I thought you were going to be an angry and hostile troll! It’s hard to feel like I hit the big time with such a rational troll. Oh well.

      As for your wrong opinions, here is my point-by-point rebuttal to your point-by-point rebuttal:

      1. Don’t care. Their lattes suck.
      2. True, but as previously mentioned, their lattes suck. (And I don’t get ice cream at a drive-thru… who does that?)
      3. OH, COFFEE DROOL… that’s what’s always on your shirt. Makes sense now.
      4. Scroogey, indeed.
      5. When was the last time you did the grocery shopping, dude? SBs replaced DD in Stop & Shop like two years ago. And guess which brand is in TARGET?
      6. Yup.
      7. The rest stop logo reaction goes like this: “Please let me see green.. please let me see green. Damn. Only pink and orange. Skip it.”
      8. This is your one and only valid point. My kids would take a Munchkin over chocolate milk any day, but as an extremely health-conscience Mom, I’m much more concerned with…. HA! I couldn’t even get that one out with a straight face. You win here. (But like I said, I leave the kids home whenever possible so it’s usually a moot point.)
      9. Your preference here is, very much like your opinions, wrong.
      10. I didn’t say it… you did.

      I do so appreciate your comment, as erroneous as it may be. I hope you and I never meet in real life because it seems OBVIOUS that we could never be friends. Unless you were renting the house in Seattle and invited us to join you. Then maybe I’d consider it.

  4. My wife thinks it is sad – but I secretly wish Starbucks was in Italy sometimes. They’ll never do it I don’t think b/c they’ll get laughed out of here – unless they just serve American tourists (and maybe you would see some Italians sneaking in undercover – like Baptists do at liquor stores in the US)…

    The Starbucks shops in Greece use the same SB nerd terminology like ‘venti’, etc. And from what I saw, mostly American tourists go there…a large coffee was 4.50 euro – about $6…which is pretty rough for Greeks right now.

  5. You are so funny. I laughed through your whole blog. Jerry Seinfeld couldn’t have said it better. I think martinis have a better punch.

  6. Pingback: Coffee or Quiet? « Who Needs a Nap?

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