OK, so maybe the Friday Funnies aren’t going to be so much of a WEEKLY thing but more of a WHEN I REMEMBER thing. Whatever.
Just a few kids stories this week, because again – say it with me, people – kids say funny shit.
I’ve told so many people these stories already that most of you have probably already heard them, but I’m documenting them in writing for future laughs. For me. Because OK yeah, maybe I DO go back and re-read my own blog posts. What of it?
Here’s the funny stuff:
1. Happy Dude and I were on our way to the grocery store and as usual, he was identifying all of the vehicles he could see:
Happy Dude as we drove down our street: Look Mama! Car (which sounds like ‘toe’)!
Me: Yes HD, I see that toe.
HD as we drove past a moving van: Look Mama! Van!
Me: Yes HD, I see that van.
HD as we drove past the gas station : Look Mama! Tank Truck! (which sometimes sounds like ‘ tank f***’)!
Me: Yes HD, I see that tank, um, truck.
HD as we drive past Starbucks: Look Mama! Chocolate milk!
Don’t judge. At least he didn’t say, “Look Mama! Latte!”
2. WARNING: Poop Alert in the next story!
Seriously, the quote is funny, but the situation is gross, so if you’re eating lunch, SKIP THIS ONE.
The Nibbit had a few poop accidents in like a three-day period last week and I was starting to lose my patience:
The Nibbit: Are you fuwious with me?
Me: I’m not furious, but I am getting a little frustrated about these accidents. You are almost four and almost four-year-olds don’t poop in their pants.
The Nibbit: Yeah, but three-and-a half-year olds sometimes forget.
3. So, I almost put this story in the Dragon post earlier in the week, but it made me laugh out loud so I saved it for today.
The Loud One is aware of this blog and the fact that I sometimes write about her. She thinks millions of people read it. I tell her that it might be slightly less than that, but I encourage her to keep dreaming big.
Now that she knows about it, she’ll often ask “Are you going to write about this?” Especially when she’s done something good…
Me: “LO, thanks for sharing your snack with Happy Dude… that was really nice.”
LO: “You’re welcome. Are you going to write about that?”
(No, that’s not the funny part.)
Because of her awareness, I now feel compelled to check in with her when I’m writing about something she may later deem … embarrassing. (As judging from the previous anecdote, I have not yet begun extending The Nibbit the same courtesy.) So prior to my writing my last post about the How to Train Your Dragon Debacle of 2012, we had this conversation:
Me: So LO, I was thinking about writing a post for the blog about the Dragon show and how you were a little nervous about the fire.
LO: Hmm… what are you going to write?
Me: Well, I’m going to write that we went to the Dragon show and that you were a little nervous about the fire.
LO: Hmm… what else are you going to write?
Me: I’m just going to tell the whole story about the day… how we went, you didn’t like the fire, we moved seats, we sat in the suite, etc.
LO: Hmm… are you going to write anything else?
Me: I’m going to also say that parents shouldn’t get annoyed at their kids for getting scared at things like that because you’re still young.
LO: And that’s all?
Me: I’ll also write that you’re awesome.
LO: OK, you can write about me. I don’t mind if millions of people read that I was scared. As long as you tell them that I’m awesome.
4. Last, but not least, a friend posted this card on Facebook and I loved it.
Please react the same way to this blog post. Wipe a tear, minimize the window and when your friend asks you what’s so moving, just say, “Oh, it’s just this incredible blog I’m reading by Krissy Mac… she just has such a way with poop stories.”
Now PLEASE share your own… I know you’ve got them.