My friend recently made me uber-aware of a uniquely annoying type of person; she’s (unfortunately, usually a woman) someone who manages to be dismissive and condescending at the same time, with impressive brevity. In fact, she uses only two simple words to convey her superiority and scorn.
I’m sure you’ve all met her. In fact, as much as I hate to admit it, we have all probably, at one point or another, BEEN her.
It’s the incorrigible “Just Wait…” mom/woman/person.
(You already know who I’m talking about, right?)
She’s the woman who simply cannot resist telling you that even though you think things are bad, they’re actually about to get a whole helluva lot worse.
- “You’re pregnant and tired? Oh, just wait until you have that baby… you’ll never sleep again!”
- “You’re exhausted because you have a newborn? Oh, just wait until he starts walking!”
- “You’re toddler is exasperating? Oh, just wait until you have TWO kids! That’s when things get really tough!”
Actually, come to think of it… the “Just Wait” woman has been around my entire life.
- “You think being single sucks? Oh, just wait, marriage is no walk in the park!”
- “You’re so hungover? Oh, just wait until your pregnant, morning sickness is way worse than hangovers!”
I can already hear her in the nursing home…
- “Your artificial hip is killing you and your dentures are falling out? Oh, just wait… soon you’ll be dead and that’s when things get really crazy!”
There are several reasons why this person is so annoying:
1. She’s a know-it-all. She has already lived through every experience you can possibly imagine. Seriously, test her. She’s done it and back then, it was HARDER.
2. She makes you feel like an idiot for venting about your obviously trivial issues. (“You’re Mom died? Oh just wait until you have nobody left in the whole world and you’re alone. THEN you’ll understand pain!”)
3. And most importantly, she’s always implying that THINGS ARE ONLY GOING TO GET WORSE. She is (metaphorically speaking, of course) extinguishing the light at the end of my tunnel!
So, I’m currently dealing with the Nibbit’s charming new habit of covering his ears when I talk to him and saying, “BLAH BLAH WAH WAH BAH BAH blaaaaaaagh” or something equally articulate. Every time this happens, I reassure myself by thinking, “It’s just a phase. It will end soon.”
But then, BLAMMO, there she is, telling me to “Just wait…” because apparently the next phase is when he tries to break Lego bricks over the Happy Dude’s head and that’s when things get REALLY crazy!
Think you’ve got problems now?
Just wait until they’re all in different sports and you need to be in six places at the same time!
Just wait until they becomes ‘tweens and the real attitudes appear!
Just wait until they start liking boys/girls!
Just wait until they want body piercings!
Just wait until they start drinking and driving and texting and Tweeting and FBing!
Just wait until they go to college and you can’t see them anymore!
Just wait until they get a job and you can’t call them every minute!
Just wait until they get married and you become an annoying mother-in-law (hell to the yeah)!
Just wait… Just wait… Just wait!
You know what?
ALL OF THAT STUFF ALREADY SCARES THE S**T OUT OF ME.
Please don’t remind me about the parenting nightmares I have in store. I’m just trying to deal with the ones I have right now and you telling me to “Just wait…” only makes me feel like throwing in the towel. Or drinking before noon. It minimizes my current struggles and dammit, my struggles are REAL!
(OK, maybe not that real, but you try dealing with the Nibbit and his ear-covering screaming, “BLAH BLAH WAH WAH BAH BAH blaaaaaaagh” without punching him someone something.)
So ladies, and the odd “Just wait” guy out there, let’s stop “Just waiting…” each other. It’s totally fine to THINK it in your head, but out loud, say something like, “Oh man, that sucks” or even better, “It gets easier, I swear!”
Even if that’s a lie. I’m OK with that