Things That Have Happened Recently that are NOT Awesome
Running a diaper through the washing machine. (No, it was NOT full of poop. THANK GOD.)
Has anyone done this? NOT AWESOME. You know those little absorbent, jelly-like beads that fill the inside of a diaper? Well, imagine them all over every piece of children’s clothing you own. This was one of those situations that I just observed for a moment before saying, “Well. THAT happened.”
Being woken up at 2:00am by a three-year old who utters just one, short word: “Wet.”
The rest of this not awesome experience includes having to drag my ass out of bed, changing the Nibbit’s pajamas (which usually requires finding clean ones in the dryer), changing the sheets (which usually requires struggling to get that fitted sheet on for at least 20 minutes), and lastly, whacking my head on the top bunk as I sleepily stand up after singing 17 bedtime songs because by the time we change the pajamas and the sheets, he’s been awake for 30 minutes and is convinced that is morning time and therefore, time to STAY UP FOR THE DAY.
My beautiful roses being eating by the effing deer
One of the most thoughtful birthday gifts I received for my 40th was a rose-bush that would supposedly bloom orange roses (thank you, Amanda!). If you know me, then you know this: I have a whatever-color-is-the-opposite-of-green-on-the-color-wheel thumb. But I also looooove orange, so we dug that damn hole and we planted that stubby looking plant. I’ll admit, I was skeptical but lo and behold, a couple of weeks ago, we started to see the buds! And then blooms! Yea! And then, the next morning, they were gone. Effing deer.
Being at Barnes & Noble, leisurely shopping for birthday presents with The Loud One and remembering at 1:50 that I had to be home for our sitter to leave at 2:00.
Actually, that wasn’t really the not awesome part. The deciding-to-come-back-with-three-kids was what did it. As soon as I realized we were late, I dropped our huge bag – loaded with stuff we’d already picked out – and promised The Loud One that we’d come back later to pay. BIG MISTAKE. There’s a reason why one doesn’t go to
Barnes and Noble anywhere in public where calm prevails with a 5½ year old, 3½ year old and a 19-month old in tow. They were actually not being horrific monsters (win!), when I heard that dreaded question: “Mommy? Is there a potty here? I need one NOW. To go poop.” Ugh. Balancing the huge bag of books and toys and the Happy Dude, we raced to the bathroom, where of course I don’t want the kids to touch ANYTHING, so naturally they start touching rubbing licking EVERYTHING and I’m all, “DON’T TOUCH THAT! Let me do that! Hey, watch your brother! No, don’t put that there. Hey, we haven’t paid for that yet! Yes, I will help you wipe! No, you do not need to look in that little garbage! Stop that! Put that down!” And the whole time I’m PRAYING that I had my hand-sanitizer in my bag and that no one else will walk in and question the sanity of the Mom who brings her three maniacal pooping kids to Barnes & Noble.
Having a “ultrasound-guided, fine needle aspiration biopsy”
I’M FINE. TOTALLY fine. But having five needles jammed in your throat → NOT AWESOME.
This allergic reaction:
Things That Have Happened Recently that ARE Awesome