The More the Merrier… and Noisier

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I have several friends who are considering having a third baby and I have recently had conversations with them about what it’s like to have three. Of course, I’m all “Hey, why don’t you read my blog and you’ll know EXACTLY what it’s like! You’ll also never have unprotected sex again!”

I always wanted three kids. I grew up with three kids and don’t we always gravitate toward the familiar? I also wanted a boy first and then two girls, also just like my family, but guess what? O FOR 3. (You can read more about that here) But as I tell my kids, “You get what you get and you don’t get… to freak out about it, because if you do, you won’t get anything at all except a trip to the staircase where you’ll languish for minutes missing out on valuable fun playtime over here in the family room!” (I totally say that every morning when I’m doling out gummy candy vitamins.)

ANYWAY, three was always my magic number. And thankfully, KJ was on board with that because otherwise we wouldn’t have Happy Dude. And Happy Dude almost always looks like this:

Free cheese in the grocery store makes me giddy.

Maybe it’s because Happy Dude has always been so easy, but I FIRMLY believe that the biggest change regarding kids was not having the second or third, but rather going from NONE to ONE. Think about it… you have that first baby and your world is ROCKED. And not in the good way.

It’s true that when you go from one to two you can’t say “You take the baby, I’m taking a nap” as much as you used to. And when you add the third, you are in fact “outnumbered,” but I’m sorry, that first little, tiny, screaming human being you bring into this world is the one that makes ALL the difference.

He or she is the one that changes you from a free-spirited, easy-going, fun couple to neurotic, responsible, boring, tired, often-cranky PARENTS. All subsequent babies just make you a little more cranky and a lot more tired.

A friend once said to me, “It must be nice to have your third and totally know what you’re doing.” I laughed. Loudly. And then said, “You never know exactly what you’re doing. You just know enough not to care as much.” (Forgive me if I’ve already shared that story, but I’m old and my memory is going… and I haven’t figured out how to take advantage of “tags” yet.)

So, given all of this, I present to you my thoughts on adding additional kids to your household. In table form. Because tables are nice and organized and I’m into that.

 

AFTER 1ST BABY

AFTER 2ND BABY

AFTER 3RD BABY

Birth

HOLY SHIT, that hurt like hell!!

I am NEVER doing
that again!!

HOLY SHIT, that hurt like hell!

I am never doing
that again!!

This time I mean it!

HOLY SHIT, that hurt like hell!!

I am NEVER doing
that again!!

Honey, it’s time to
take surgical precautions.

The hospital stay

Oh, I want the baby
in the room with me
at all times!

I can’t wait to
take her home!

Maybe I’ll just let the baby stay in the nursery during the night.

Oh, I’m only here for two days?

Bring me the baby ONLY when he needs to eat.

PLEASE don’t make
me go home…
just one
more night?!?!

Bringing the baby home

Oh, she’s crying…is she hungry?

I just fed her…

I better feed her again.

Oh, he’s crying… give him a few minutes.

OK, I guess we’ll feed him.

Has anyone fed the baby today?

Diapers

She just peed!
We have to change her quick!

He just pooped… your turn to change him.

Has anyone changed the baby’s diaper today?

Free time

Daddy takes the
baby out.

Mommy takes a nap.

Daddy takes the toddler out.

Mommy tries to nap while the baby cries.

HAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHA

Sibling reaction

N/A

Make it stop crying! He’s too noisy!
Is he staying??
Play with ME!!
I hate my brother!!

Oh, there’s another baby.

Can I have a cookie?

# of calls to the Pediatrician

Twice daily

Every other week

Never.

It’s just a rash.

He’ll be fine.

Shopping

We have to buy all new cute clothes and have everything cleaned, ironed and folded in the drawers waiting for her arrival!

We have to
go through the hand-me-downs and see what we can use
and what we need
to replace.

Stained?
Ripped?
Two sizes too big?
It’s fine.

Toys

New, shiny, colorful, educational

Slightly beaten up, plastic

Whatever’s left.
And cardboard boxes.

Grocery List

Formula, diapers, dinner food for
grown-ups

Formula, diapers, chicken nuggets, Puffs (a LOT of Puffs)…
Oh and some food for the grown-ups

Formula, diapers, chicken nuggets, Mac & Cheese, more Puffs
…and tequila

So there you have it. I say, have the third! You’re screwed in “Parent Mode” anyway, so what’s a little more noise? And poop? And Puffs?

5 responses »

  1. Three? Why not four? My wife is one of seven. Everything after 2 is, as Ed Norton (upstairs neighbor) says, “A mere bag of shells”. (UNTIL the college tuition bills start arriving)

  2. Can’t tell you how many times I laughed out loud…I love the table. Your scientific study is EXTREMELY accurate!

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