How do you say “Seal is OUT OF HIS MIND” in German?


The Heidi Klum/Seal split is SHOCKING, right? I mean, this is the couple that gushes about each other to anybody that will listen (especially if it’s Oprah). They get remarried every year, yet they claim to have grown apart? WTF?

The rumor I have heard is that he has an “explosive temper.” OMG, I can totally hear him screaming, “I just got kissed by a f***ing ROSE! Somebody get me an ice pack!”

I’m just praying that he didn’t cheat on her. Because if Heidi Klum got cheated on, there is seriously NO HOPE for the rest of us. Pack it in, call it a day, ladies. Nobody stands a chance.

So, with high hopes that infidelity is not the cause of their split, I’ve come up with a few possible alternatives.

Ten Possible Reasons for the Heidi Klum/Seal Split

Just like I said, GRANNY PANTIES

  • He’s just over the whole “sleeping with a supermodel” every night. BOR.ING.
  • She realized his music is crap. And told him so. Often.
  • She told him that she wanted him to make all of her clothes using only things he could find in the garbage and he was not ok with that.
  • They ran out of islands on which to renew their vows.
  • They ran out of ideas for crazy Halloween costumes, like this one and this one.
  • They ran out of ways to combine the two.
  • Two words for you: Granny. Panties.
  • “Wienerschnitzel for lunch, AGAIN?”
  • She insisted on calling him by his full name (Seal Henry Olusegun Olumide Adeola Samuel) and it kept making them late for the Red Carpet.
  • He tried to suggest marriage counseling, but she kept saying, “I’m sorry, but you are out. Auf wiedersehen.”

OK, bye.

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