… where there are lots of little voices talking and they’re all wasted!
So here it is. My blog. You asked and you received. Well, actually, like two of you asked but you ALL receive. SCORE! Wait, what? There are only two of you reading? What? You’re both related to me? Aw, thanks Dad. and Other Person Related to Me.
At first I thought starting a blog sounded like the worst idea since Michael and Dina Lohan decided to have sex without protection. It’s just so egotistical. And egomaniacal. There is a difference you know… it looks like this:
Egotistical = “It’s all about me.”
Egomaniacal = “IT’S ALL ABOUT ME, GODDAMMIT!” (See what I did there? ALL CAPS. Get it?)
But then I realized that there are actually a few reasons why a chick would start a blog:
– Because her kids are driving her crazy and it makes her feel less guilty to put them in front of the TV if she can say, “Watch TV kids, I’m working!” vs. “Watch TV kids, Mama wants to read Us Weekly!”
– Because she’s a bit of a narcissist who firmly believes that the minutiae of her life should to be shared with the world, but she couldn’t possibly limit herself to 140 characters so Tweeting is out.
– Because she should really be exercising and she will do absolutely anything to procrastinate THAT chore.
– Because she really wants to write a book and people sometimes tell her, “You should write a book!” but when she actually tries to write a book, she realizes that she doesn’t really know how to write anything, so blogging seems like good practice.
It’s POSSIBLE that some of these apply to me.
So there you have it.
I’m still figuring out what you’ll see here… definitely some venting (about kids, life, hot moms who always wear yoga clothes). Probably some over-sharing. Possibly some drunken ramblings. (Like the one you’re reading RIGHT NOW. What? Kidding. Sort of.) Definitely some mocking. (I’m talking to YOU reality TV stars.) And of course, I’ll tell you what I ate today. Because you should care, Goddammit. Oh and lists. They’ll be lots of lists.
In other words, this is going to be the stories of my life, all told in my snarky, sarcastic voice. Are you SUPER-PSYCHED yet??
Let’s face it, there are probably a lot of people out there blogging, that shouldn’t be. And I’m counting on you guys to tell me if it turns out that I’m one of those people.
You can be all like, “Oh yeah, I read a lot of blogs, but yours isn’t one of them.
I promise I’ll get the hint.
So I hope you’ll periodically grab your coffee/beer/margarita/bag of M&Ms/bowl of pasta/burger-n-fries (geez, I’m starving now) and check in with me. Or you can add me to your feed so I can practically stalk you with my posts. I hope you’ll read, laugh, comment and then tell your friends about the HYSTERICAL blog you just discovered. And then also mention mine.
I’m also hoping to come up with some catchy sign-off that I’ll do at the end of every post, but I haven’t thought of that yet. Baby steps, people.
PS. If there’s anyone out there reading this that doesn’t actually know me, please click on the “37 Things” link to learn more. I’ve heard that a lot of people kick off a blog by composing a list of 100 facts about themselves. 100? Seriously? No one cares that much. 37 seems right to me.
PPS. If you’ve found your way here via some old Spoilers & Observations connection, HI! Can you believe Lohan is still making headlines? She’s in a mess-up/arrest/rehab/repeat cycle that cannot, no WILL NOT, be broken! Oh and rest assured that I will still mock the McCrazy Cruiseys. Who ever thought THEY’D still be married? Contract’s not up yet, I guess.